or, you know,
physical to other people.
on the bus today there was this one guy who kept staring at me and
I'm probably being vain/paranoid
but I felt really really weird. not uncomfortable. more human. I forget that I have a body far too often for my own good.
I opened up my moleskine, wrote twattish things and tried to not make eye contact.
always, always on trains as well. 14 year old girls have some sort of magnetic attraction to me. They're always giggling and not in an -OHMYGOD HE'S SO TRAGICALLY EMBARRASSING I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SHARING THE CARRIAGE WITH HIM FMLFMLFMLFML- kind of way, but in an omg he just looked my way omgomg my hormones What Am I Going To Do With All Of My Fucking Hormones...
...baby?
kind of way. which I find kind of sweet, actually.
sidenote: I sound like a cunt. I realise this. I'm happy that i'm happy enough for this trivial shite to seem like something to me: sidenote over
not that I would ever reciprocate it. but still, it's weird. I prefer being something without a body
I mean, fuck. I've got a blog. I live on Facebook. I live through my sims. It's not that I don't like being with people all the frigging time and being sociable, but. I never think about actually being with them. To you I'm just words and weird pictures and
it was nothing perverse, just eyes. on me. eyes.
i'm not used to that much intimacy with strangers. sure, in my single days I was all to happy to swap fluids with any twat without knowing their name/age/species, but that was...it was different. it wasn't intimate. I was using them
not being objectified
(without my consent)
(I've got a boyfriend to whom I consent)
not that I had a flip out. or anything. I opened up my moleskine, wrote twattish things, tried not to make eye contact and bought myself a pot of strawberry hot chocolate.
fuck, that's good hot chocolate.
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