GATHER IT GENTLY

my friend asked me today what kids are into nowadays. and I said that I have less than the foggiest.

well.

I shouted Justin Bieber?!?!!?! a few times. And Miley Cyrus.
I'm never around children, so I don't know. and I don't care. I know what they should be into and that's all that matters. They should be interested in Daniel Defoe, inheriting my debt and living with the SUPERCANCER that's going to kill everyone come 2070 (my ETA in maggotville)
that and decent music. god knows what music's going to sound like in 2070. hopefully white noise. or they'll have properly developed that high pitch noise that adults can't hear into proper music

god I hate that noise
I can't wait until I don't have to hate that noise, before missing that noise before remembering that, fuck, I can grow a proper beard now so who really gives a shit?

So. This thought got me thinking RIGHT NOW NOW NOW about kids over the ages, when childhood was so romanticised and
SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH BETTER THAN ANY CHILDHOOD YOU EVER HAD, FOOL
and music. of course. So, here follows a collection of songs that make me feel nostalgic for a childhood I never had.

because I was pre-foetal.

happy, happy pre-foetus.


PAUL ROBESON- MA CURLY HEADED BABY. fruiting obsessed with this song at the moment. SO GOOD. I wish this was number 1 right now and forever. Deep.


DINAH WASHINGTON- THIS BITTER EARTH. I wish that my mum vaccumed around the house when I was a toddler singing this beautifully. and the carpet was dirty anyway and no-one cared because, fuck, we had soul. and we were happy.

we had a cleaner.
and a nanny.

and, that's great and all. but. it ain't bitter. and, well, bitter's better than our spotless carpets.


CONNIE FRANCIS- LIPSTICK ON YOUR COLLAR. I used to work with a woman called Wendy and we'd dance around our candle shop to this song with all of the elderly customers. then she'd tell me about spending her afternoons in the record shops, listening to music in booths. and rollerskating up and down the pier. they were all poor, but they had the record halls. my grandparents met each other before they knew each other rollerskating up and down weston-super-mare sea front. I love seeing old people dance. This makes them dance. It makes me smile.


PETER GABRIEL- SLEDGEHAMMER. And my mum dances to this. And she's happy. It's like her spice girls. I'm pretty convinced that if I was a child when Peter Gabriel was around I'd be John Conner from the Terminator and life would be soooo fucking exciting. You just try to kill me, machines...


IMAGINATION- JUST AN ILLUSION. before everyone knew about AIDS, everything looks like so much fun.

Also. That Imagination video is officially my favourite music video ever. Just FYI.
I feel like one of those creepy old men now. Like someone who's always reaching into the past and discovering that -goshdamned it- everything used to be so innocent. and we were happy.

which is, of course, a crock of shite.
but at least children were happy. children are far too sexualised now. that's a topic for another blog post. I'll do it tomorrow, promise. PREPARE FOR A RANT. OF EPIC PROPORTIONS. WELL. ACTUALLY MORE A LAMENT THAN A  RANT, BUT I'LL LEAVE YOU WITH THIS CROCK OF SHITE TO ILLUSTRATE MY FORTHCOMING LAMENT, ARE YOU READY? GOOD. ok then.




JUST SAYIN'