NOW I KNOW YOU'RE MINE. NOW I KNOW YOU'RE MINE, STEP

The pair of RayBans I stole the other day have given me an eye infection. Apparently that's karma or something, but I think that a small eye infection is price enough for a lush pair of sunglasses.

Karma's a load of shit.

I never really do anything good and loads of good stuff always happens to me. I've lost my bus pass twice and on both occasions it has been returned to me. The first time was by a stranger who phoned me, sounding gruff and scary. Without telling me that he had my bus pass, I just got told to meet him by Kelsey's as soon as possible.

It was exciting. I ran.

I didn't even know that I had lost it. Apparently he found it on the pavement, asked the nearest person who I was and they gave him my number. It pays to be popular, apparently.

It was exciting. I ran.

The second time, a stranger found it, showed it to a friend and then the friend gave it to me. It pays to be popular, apparently. Oh, also my passport. Dropped it in London...near Shepherd's Bush I think and a stranger phoned my mother to tell her where it was. How he knew my mother I'll never know.

Nope. I'll never know.

I'm always finding notes on the floor as well. Money notes, not love notes.

And people buy me stuff.

Or I get stuff for free.

Or money off.

like. The other week I gave a Big Issue man 50p extra and in an unrelated incident on the same day the bar-keep gave me 50p off my drink.

but

Karma's a load of shit.

And I'm just lucky, ok?