MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST HAVE A CUP OF TEA AND CHILL OUT NOW

I want to star in a decades old private detective TV show. My own. I can be called...Huxley or Drew Atoll or I could just be Jessica Fletcher's bitch.

because she's sexy

not that I could ever gross myself out. and, to be honest I would never want to have sex with Angela Lansbury. Because. Just because.

but a private detective in a big hair decade with crystal stares and silk, lace and silk. and huge vials of poison dripping into china tea cups, eyelids disappear into the skull, veins and big pupils. face, face down in prawn cocktail.

gasp.

five people who WANT TO SEE THAT DEAD PERSON DEAD later, and it's the scorned ex-lover or the mysterious stranger from the past, also scorned. and I one-up the police force, we giggle and the credits. plonk theme tune.

perhaps I can be in danger.

or perhaps I can be in trouble.

every week, people will be grateful and cakes will be baked in my honour.

or I could just be Jessica Fletcher's bitch.